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Advanced Global Personality Test Results [Mar. 12th, 2006|08:15 pm]
[mood |mellowmellow]
[music |Earth - Land Of Some Other Order]

Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||| 50%
Stability |||||| 26%
Orderliness |||||| 23%
Accommodation |||||||||||| 43%
Interdependence |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Intellectual |||||||||||| 43%
Mystical |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Religious || 10%
Hedonism |||||| 30%
Materialism |||||| 30%
Narcissism |||||||||| 36%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Work ethic || 10%
Self absorbed |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Conflict seeking |||| 16%
Need to dominate |||||||||||| 50%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Avoidant |||| 16%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Wealth |||||||||||||||| 63%
Dependency |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Change averse |||||| 30%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56%
Individuality |||||||||||||||| 70%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Physical Fitness |||||||||||||||| 64%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 50%
Paranoia |||||||||||||| 56%
Vanity |||||||||||||||| 63%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 70%
Female cliche |||||||||||||| 56%
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were medium which suggests you are moderately talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting.

trait snapshot:

messy, irritable, depressed, fragile, worrying, emotionally sensitive, does not like to lead, phobic, weird, suspicious, low self control, paranoid, frequently second guesses self, dependent, unproductive, introverted, weak, strange, unassertive, submissive, familiar with the dark side of life, feels invisible, rash, vain, anti-authority, heart over mind, low self concept, disorganized, not good at saving money, avoidant, daydreamer, unadventurous
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I don't know what I should write about... [Oct. 13th, 2005|08:50 pm]
[music |Melt Banana - Cell Scape]

Every once in a while, I start composing an entry in my head that never gets posted. Yes, I'm that lame. So what shall this be about? I love the Antioch Arrow album Gems Of Masochism. I really connect with that album both emotionally and musically, although that doesn't necessarily make sense. I tend to refer to albums I bought in the last while here that I really like. And I don't think anyone cares. Or knows what most of the albums I am referring to are. Hey, doesn't that kind of give me scene points? Oh snap!

So anyways, today was pretty intense. With this intense field trip, and this Melt Banana song rocks. Anyway... I hadn't been on a field trip since September 2003, but that was just Take Your Kids To Work Day. So I hadn't been on a real field trip since Grade 8. So I was pretty happy about this, although I was missing my favorite class playwriting, which would certainly be even more fun. Actually, this field trip wasn't fun, but I found it really intense because of coffee and related emotional issues. It was just all the photography and com tech classes going to the World Press Photo Exhibition in the BCE Place downtown. So, not that amazing. Some of the photos were interesting though. But I got home an hour earlier than usual, so that's good. I guess...

I'm so insecure, weird, and totally fucked up! I'm also really scared about asking my parents things, because they say "no" too much! (Actually, I usually convince them to change their mind now that I think about it.) Then when I don't even ask I'm really upset that I missed out. Like that Manhunt game that starts in fifteen minutes. It's actually kind of in my area this time and I miss out! Ugh, I'm so fucking... gah. I was thinking about what I should name my new album today. I also wrote the lyrics to quite a lengthy song. So at least I am making some progress with it. But what about with my life?
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(no subject) [Oct. 4th, 2005|07:36 pm]
[music |The Locust - Earwax Halo Manufactured For The Champion In...]

Fraiman- What's that riding on your everything? says:
Fraiman- What's that riding on your everything? says:
I was just listening to a VERY mellow Postal Service song.
Fraiman- What's that riding on your everything? says:
like, nearly totally quiet
Fraiman- What's that riding on your everything? says:
and all of a sudden it SCREAMS
Fraiman- What's that riding on your everything? says:
and this chaotic music comes on
Fraiman- What's that riding on your everything? says:
and for a sec i think it's part of the song
Fraiman- What's that riding on your everything? says:
then i realize it's your fucking Locust
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I hope you didn't miss me... [Sep. 19th, 2005|11:14 pm]
[music |Black Dice - Beaches And Canyons]

As always, some stuff has happened. This time, more stuff has happened because the interval between the last update and this one was longer. By the way, Sam and Paz are my only real friends. Okay, that's not true, I love all my other friends. But Sam and Paz are probably the truest to me. not just because I hang out with them the most, as I don't necessarily. Those two pay me full attention, are always there for me, never act like assholes to me, are happy to give me advice (although Paz's tends to either suck or not work for me- no offense) and when they say they'll hang out with me, they actually make an honest effort to. Actually, I have a few other friends that do most of that. But Sam and Paz are the only two of them that actually gave me a birthday present!

Yeah, it was my birthday. On September 14th, actually. I got five dollars from Paz, and just today, Sam gave me his present, the novel Slaughterhouse-Five. Which ironically enough is on the list of books we can read for our English book review, a list I was wondering which book I should choose from. Now I know.

I got some stuff from my parents too, such as the third volume of the Baroque Cycle, System Of The World and the album I'm listening to right now, Black Dice's Beaches And Canyons. Sooo incredible. Such a good album, I love it so much! Wow, it's so epic and amazing. It's just so beautiful!

You can clearly tell I think Black Dice are an absolutely orgasmic band. They are, and this was proved to me when I went to their show last Monday! Fuck it was insanely wicked! I went with Sam, Dedra, and Max. First up was the band Awesome. Their set was profoundly mind-blowing. Their music is really droney and progressive, and the set was like one 30-or-so minute song. I closed my eyes for most of the latter part of it, and I visualized all these crazy images that went together with the music. First there was this princess on a hill at night, then she became possessed and was plunged underground where demons or something were having some sort of a ritual. Then as the music begin to rise progressively towards a climax, we tore above the underground cavern, and there were all these planks of wood that formed together to build levels, and it just kept going up and up until the music reached its plateau. At this point I became stabilized on the top level. Then I was being tempted to enter this vortex that had opened up in front of me. In the vortex was everything I ever wanted. As the pitch of the music increased or something, I was slowly drawn into the vortex, but then it suddenly all fall apart and the music became disturbing and scary. At that point, I suddenly realized I had made an absolutely dreadful mistake. The vortex was actually a portal to damnation in hell! Everything burst into flames all around me, and the things that were once my deepest desires became my worst fears. The music then began to go down in pitch. I began to fall all the way from space down and down and down and down and down and down and- the music became calm all of a sudden. I opened my eyes a tiny bit and I was looking up at the ceiling. I must had hit the ground. It felt like I was staring up into the night sky. As the music faded out, I slowly opened my eyes and pointed my head towards where the band was. The song ended.

And no, I wasn't on drugs, unless that absolutely catarthic music counts as a drug, which it might. The music also affected the others in profound ways, but in different ways. For example, instead of images of a crazy story forming, it reminded Dedra that all those lame people who try to contain music into a single form or structure will never succeed, because music simply cannot be contained, it is too powerful.

Although Sam apparently didn't like Et Sans (even though he was dancing to them before badmouthing them, calling them fakes), I thought they were amazing. They are an offshoot band of Godspeed You Black Emperor! My description of their sound is: a mental patient saving the world. You'd understand if you heard them.

Sam and Max had to leave before Black Dice came on, but I stayed for all of it. Dedra stayed for half or so. It was amazingly cool. There was an abstract art video element to it that synchronized with and supported the amazing music. I bought a nice shirt. I got home at 1:45 in the morning though, an hour and a half after I was supposed to. This was because although the promoter said music would start promptly at 9:30, it didn't start until over an hour later. My mom made me feel kind of guilty about coming home so much later than I said I would, but it was an absolutely amazing show in any case.

Other than that, it has been pretty much the same old, save for a few interesting things. I finally met Sam and Max's friend from rock camp Nate. The four of us had a fun Saturday, which included us exploring a scary abandoned club. Pharaoh hasn't had a full jam but will soon. On Saturday morning, for some reason I had a dream that Mike Dineen invited me somewhere. One of the reasons that was strange was that it actually did happen later that day. Unfortunately, I was unable to attend, but me and Sam went to his apartment and he's a cool guy. He's really nice, I'm not sure why so many people badmouth him. Apparently he's a pathological liar? He's a fan of Sanchez, though, and I was in that movie! Oh yeah, Fraiman and Mike are planning on showing it to their History of Film class, as proof that there is a movie worse than Plan 9 From Outer Space. I'm so excited about Sanchez spreading to a larger audience through that medium. Some other stuff has been going on, including so far unsuccessful attempts for a timetable change, but I'll discuss that another time.
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The time has come for a very epic entry... [Sep. 11th, 2005|02:50 pm]
[music |Earth - Raiford (The Felon Wind)]

I wasn't always the saddest one. But I was sometimes a sadder one. But I just... fucking can't... it's not helping... I was too happy to be in love with you and too entrusted with you to just... just too, you know... It's not like it's not making any sense it's but I... no? Just no! WHY AM I FUCKING POSTING THIS? Where were you when I asked if I could borrow any mushrooms? Where were you when I said I needed to use the toilet? Where were you when I wondered if I could ask this of you? Where were you when I answered back? My steel settlements appear lame upon first regard but are actually quite friendly if you suck them off for a long enough time. Not that I wasn't ever lower than I am, being higher than many in this city. It was a feeble resistance. It was a troubled time. We rose above them, we ascended to the glory of the drowned trade carts. Your anxiety was like a fish on a rock, squirming and squirming, without a cock. Masters of the sunken life lie, we should have been there twice. Once with the walls painted yellow-black. Once with you in my arms, melting into my skin. Bittersweet traces of your fury emerged in my neurological glands after hours of wondering, "When is it going to kick in?"

So slowly, I crept toward the knife in the middle of the room. As I approached it, pink flames dancing in the sky, I heard a whisper, emerging from its polished cheek. It told me, "Put on that neon vest, it's like an S&M tracksuit, bike pants and everything." I was just like, "Dude, don't give me your hackeysack bullshit. I clearly possess much more experience than a fucking knife of being tied up." "Oh really?" the knife replied, "You, who has never even been laid by another? I on the other hand, was packaged very intimately with other knives like myself on my trip here from faraway the steel refinery where I was made, and during the journey I was often tied together with my brothers and sisters who all came from the same steel refinery. It may be incest, but us knives, we are far to sharp to be disgusted by such simple, natural things. And naturally, when the crate in which I was became opened by customs inspectors in Canada, they were revolted by the mercury that had erupted from our forms during sexual climax, and marked it as a terrorist act. But we knew better, and kept fucking them in the chest until they had no choice but to involuntarily let us pass. Or, at least the decaying bloodied masses strewn across the floor that they used to be were the ones that owned that lack of a choice. And believe me, my dear Jan, along the way I had to chestfuck many humans to get to where I am, so if you don't wear that neon vest, you may just be next." Extraordinarily aroused by the tale of incest and murder, I fucked the knife myself. And what a gloriously painful fucking it was. If I were to give it a colour, I'd say... red!

After Joe's constant mentioning of the extreme sport and art parkour, I decided to try it out for myself, with very painful results. Parkour is an extreme sport where you use the city as an obstacle course and try to clear obstacles by jumping over them and stuff like that, while doing it in a very fluid and uninterrupted motion. Basically, on Friday after school, me and Fraiman went to try it for the first time with Joe and Johnny. Fraiman made a lot of progress and had a wonderful time. I on the other hand... had quite a lot of fun too actually, but only for a short time, because early on, I had an accident. Not a very sexual one, unfortunately. Well, actually, it could be quite sexual if you are either very kinky, or you want to be very kinky (like me). I was trying to do a roll, and I'm terrible at doing rolls. My attempt made my slam my ass against the grass I was rolling on, and injure my tail bone. I couldn't really participate in any parkour for the rest of the day, and it still hurt when I was running yesterday. At least I learned a lot from watching them pk (short for parkour), and so, next time, I'll be ready to try all that stuff out. Except the rolls. Those hurt.

Yesterday I hung out with Sam for a while, but after a while he had to go to a midwife reunion or something like that, of all things. So I just walked around the city. I walked down the harbourfront and explored it from like, Dufferin to Yonge. It was a very fun adventure. During an early part of it, I was creating in my mind a videogame where you control a single character in a huge world just like this one, in which you can do anything you can do in real life. After I had spent a long time imagining what you could do in that videogame, I had eventually realized that there was so much to do in real life!!! I was just like, "Why am I wasting my days doing nothing when could be doing so much more because there is just so much I can do in this world!" The perfection of it all occurred to me once again, just like it had when I saw Toronto from the airplane over a month ago. I realized that the city is simply a huge collage of billions of pieces of artwork. A fence is one of these pieces of artwork. As is a brick, or a plank of wood. The huge collage is divided into many smaller collages, such as buildings. And because of us, there is so much more to do then there was, say, three thousand years ago or something. There's even much more to do now then there was a hundred years ago, because we are constantly expanding and our civilization is still budding and has not yet started to rot. Or has it, I wondered. Oil prices have been rising and rising, and I don't expect them to ever go down like they were before. Hopefully, we will replace oil in nearly every usage with an abundant renewable resource such as salt water, before it's too late. It already is too late for many, actually. But back to my main point, we have made this world incredibly awesome for most humans, and quite shitty for most animals. The fact that things like roadkill exist are just ridiculous. But anything with so much power will inevitably bring things with less power down, even if it doesn't try to. And not much of humanity tries particularly hard not to. But I am a human, why am I worrying about such things when life is nearly perfect for my kind? I suppose it's because I'm a compassionate person, and I care about others and how they feel. But why? I'm not them! But I suppose I easily could have been. But now I'm delving into territory of which I know next to nothing about, and can only guess as it how it really is, as there isn't really any proof that I know of that explains why I am myself and not another, and why people actually are themselves in the first place, and not just soulless images or whatever. But maybe people aren't, maybe I'm the only person that's real and everyone else is fake. It could easily be that way from my point of view, I just don't know! If a tree falls in a forest and no one hears it, does it make a sound? Is there even a tree there??? Do things only exist when I come into contact with them, I just don't know! And at this point, there seems to be absolutely no way I can know! In fact, there's no way I can possibly know anything, as reality could be playing tricks on me! People like Paz would completely dismiss these theories because they can't think outside the box, and fully trust everything that they learn in school, and refuse to believe anything that clashes with that unless the majority agrees with it. I suppose being a person with that narrow-minded perspective is a good way to go about life, not having to worry about questions with no apparent answers like the ones I am dealing with. But I prefer to be adventurous, pushing the boundaries and stretching the limits. What you are reading right now is really just a collection of images that other images that call themselves humans have attributed to being the English language, displayed in Verdana font. Because these images have attributed it as such, that is what it is. But does that really mean that's what it is? To most "creatures" on this "planet", these images mean absolutely nothing. They don't go, "Oh, there goes Jan rambling about philosophical shit again", and they don't label it as words in the English language displayed in Verdana font, because these things might as well not exist to these creatures or whatever they themselves believe they are. I'm sure that members of different species have completely different takes on everything that is true to us, and what they think of as indisputable facts are completely irrelevant and untrue to us. But what makes something actually be something? Is there any way to know? I suppose I should just go with the flow of life while I am alive and not try to challenge it as much, because I will simply arrive at dead ends such as this one after wasting hours of my time. But reality is so vast and so much is possible in it. It makes me feel scared. It also makes me feel insignificant and tiny, which may be true from the perspectives of others, but to me... I am everything. To me, I am the reason for my existence. I live to be myself. Or at least, that is how it is based on the information that I have. But maybe there is some truth in religious text, maybe it's more than just something other mortals have created. But are there even any other mortals? I have no way of knowing any of this. I'm agnostic for this reason, because I do not make the mistake of assumption when dealing with things so grand. People may view it as a gamble, but any other take on life could be a gamble, right? I'm just really confused right now, and I don't know if any of what I said actually made sense. Well, it at least made sense to me, but... Oh no, not again. I just don't know, okay? That one sentence summarizes the vast majority of this paragraph, and possibly my life, depending on how you look at it. The sentence being: I don't know. Is that even a sentence? I don't know!

If that wasn't so long, it could easily be the dictionary definition of the word ridiculous.
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Pharaoh Don't Care-O is... [Sep. 6th, 2005|11:47 pm]
[music |Sunn O))) - White2]


That's what it told me when I filled out the What 31G Band Are You? quiz with answers as close to the truth as possible. For those of you that don't know, 31G is an amazing indie record label located in San Diego. Pharaoh Don't Care-O would totally sound better on "something you found under the sink while your parents were gone". And definitely less than 1000 scene girls want our cocks. For now, at least...

But maybe not for long, because Pharaoh Don't Care-O actually had an awesome jam yesterday!!!! And Chris was actually involved! Although, Sam wasn't, because he was up north with Dedra for the weekend and his bus was delayed. But we had a great session anyway. We started by watching the footage we had taped a year ago. Although us jamming the song of my album "Death Of Cows" without Aaron was erased, the footage of the whole band playing our hit "Kid Lotus" was there, and it was fucking awesome. After that we watched some crappy ninja shit by Joe and Jamie, and then we jammed! I was like "Yo, let's write a song", and so we did. I sang (although many wouldn't call it singing) the lyrics that I wrote called "Umbrellafuck" to it, and it worked with the music. We videotaped us playing the song two or three times, although the versions we videotaped were not as good as the one we had before we began to record. I believe that was the second time we had played the whole thing through, and it was just very intense and incredible. But Aaron's guitar broke during the song. It actually just totally fucked up on the inside, so he had to use Joe's sister's, which is a Fender. Not as good as Aaron's... epiphone I think? Anyhow, he will most likely need to get it repaired. We then taped us just jamming for ten to fifteen minutes. I was making high-pitched Lightning Bolt-esque melodic vocals that fit well with what the others were playing. I practiced my stage antics too, which were kinda a ripoff of Chloe's whole mic deep-throat shtick. (I'm talking about Chloe from Aidswolf). But I did some neat creative stuff, and fun was had by all.

After the jam, as I walked through the park, a large group of teenagers (probably Brody's crew) was yelling at me every possible name they could think, trying to guess my name, which they obviously couldn't, who in Toronto could? Although I ignored them, I should have yelled "Brody!" That would have been quite funny, although I've never Brody and so I wasn't sure if he was present. I went to Pickering after with my family, visiting family friends. Kinda fun. I listened to Frances The Mute on the way there and back, as I did the last two times I went there. That album is way better than their first one. Much more interesting song structures and much more experimental and risk-taking music.

Today school started. I thought it started at nine, but it really started at ten, so I just walked around and such for an hour as usual. I drank a lot of coffee too, and so I was all wired and hyper throughout my classes, which ended at one. Math was okay, I didn't expect it to be good. No close friends in that class. My drama class seems an improvement from last year, although not as great as I anticipated. A few people from my class last year are there, but luckily not the shitty ones. Playwriting, on the other hand, was just as great as I had anticipated. I have a lot of friends in that class, and it is sure to be plenty of fun. Fraiman, Feldman, Paz, Matt Stein, Johnny Sun, Nick Harvey, and others. Media Studies is pretty good, a few friends are there, including Joe and Fraiman. School ended at one. Since the school day was only three hours, and it's a huge school, I didn't get a chance to see everyone today, including Max. But whatever, at least I will have more to say to people instead of just telling them everything I've wanted to tell them for two months in one day.

After school I finally hung out with Chris for an extended time, just the two of us. It was pretty good. We went to Queen Street. I revealed to Chris the marvels of Rotate This for the first time ever. He thought it was overpriced. On the way back our streetcar broke down and we had to walk. Chris kept complaining that he should have been at home an hour ago. I said sorry.

Out of all the things that I dislike about school starting again, feeling really shitty every weekday morning is probably the worst. At least, that's how it feels like when I wake up with too little sleep. Well, I can just have coffee before class starts. At least it makes me more talkative. I need to get more sleep though, and so I need to start going to bed earlier. It's not exactly early now, and school starts at the normal time today, so I should be going now.

By the way, Sam posted a really funny thread on the 31G message board. Read it here. Hahaha, he got owned! Sam's post is under the username that is a misspelling of our band name. Scroll down to read my confused comments. They are posted under Janster, of course.
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School draws near... [Sep. 3rd, 2005|11:55 pm]
[music |Cattle Decapitation - Human Jerky]

My recent lack of updates is a direct result of my total laziness. Oh yeah. I'm also really lame. And stupid. I'm a terrible person. My life sucks.

Okay, that we have that clichéd ritual part out of the way, I shall focus on what is probably more of interest to those reading this. Pharaoh Don't Care-O has had two or so jams since I last updated. Once again I hung out with Max after one of them, and presented myself to him in an less-than-wanted fashion. That same annoying and indignant one, which he again took with dismay. Yesterday a five dollar bill of mine fell into a pond in my park. Upon a very irrational and influenced instinct, I jumped in after it. Sure, I retrieved it, but seriously got my clothes wet in the process. Amazingly, my cell phone is still fully functional. Well, in the state I was in, I didn't really find it amazing or even surprising.

About the actual jams... they have actually been pretty shitty when it comes to making any sort of progression as a band. Chris, of course, was not present for either of them. And he had the microphone, which means I wasn't plugged in, which means I wasn't contributing very much other than playing instruments in an abhorring manner and squealing really high-pitched so that my vocals would actually be heard and noticed over the quality musicmanship of the other members. It hasn't entirely been Chris's fault that he hasn't been able to come. Yesterday, he had to go to his wisdom teeth check-up and Sam said he sounded disappointed over the phone, and so he proceeded to feel bad for him. But on the jam before that, we began jamming after 1:00 and Chris said that he'd show up after 4:00. But at around 2:30 or so, Joe's dad called and said that he and Chris were going to Feldman's cottage, and that he was to be immediately picked up. So you know how me, Sam, and Aaron felt about that. Aaron says that all he remembers about Chris was that he never showed up, and that he was a good drummer.

A lot has happened that isn't directly related to Pharaoh Don't Care-O in the last week. I went to a pretty fun Rosedale Heights party with Sam, even though it was raining. I went with him and Dedra to the Ex. We ate cookies and went on rides. It was really awesome. Some other stuff has happened, I hung out with different people... I don't remember everything too well. Hahaha, I wonder why...

On Thursday, school started! Well, sort of... Me, Max, Chris, Joe, and everyone else who is attending Grade 11 at Northern (not including people still on vacation) went to pay our $40 student fees and get our timetable. I seem to be in classes with friends this year. Like, I'm in Gifted English with Chris and Paz, Playwriting with Fraiman and Paz, Media Studies with Fraiman, and hopefully I'll be in some other classes with friends. I'm still extremely vexed about not taking photography though. I might switch out of anthropology if it is possible, and I am dissatisfied with my classmates and/or teacher. I can always take that next year, but photography is a two-part course. I'm sort of anticipating the school year, which will hopefully include me making many new friends, and close friends too. I don't wanna jinx it though! I'd be anticipating it more if I didn't spend almost 6 weeks of the summer vacation away from home. Whatever, next year I'll spend as much of my summer in Toronto as possible. Well, maybe not as possible, but I'll be in Europe for a shorter time than I was this year. Probably for only three weeks or so.

I know I say this type of of thing a lot, but on Monday Pharaoh Don't Care-O might just have a full jam, even though I will only be available until 2:30 or so. Then I have to go visit my Pickering friend. School starts on Tuesday!
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Cheesy Livejournal angst, etc [Aug. 25th, 2005|11:17 pm]
[music |Xiu Xiu - La Forêt]

I spent several hours of the last two days cleaning out and reorganizing this cupboard in my room that I have dubbed the Janster's Cupboard. It was previously filled with messy loads of random things, so it is taking a long time. I've taken out everything and organized it, so tomorrow I will put in the things I am putting in, in an organized manner.

I was right about not having a cold or cough anymore, and it's awesome. But I still have lack of a by-any-means adequate social life, which isn't awesome. It's a terrible disease that won't go away for a long time, it seems. But I can hope, right? I mean, school starts in twelve days. I'm sort of looking forward to it... I probably will more as it draws closer. There's no way Grade 11 is going to be worse on me than Grade 10 was. My electives are all good, except biology (grr I wanted to take photography but my parents forced me to take a science). I believe the people in my classes will be more compatible with me than they were last year. And Max is coming back. It can only improve from that terrible, terrible year of my life during which very little was accomplished and the quality of my social life went further down.

Jan's Social Life, by grade and school (rated on a scale of 1-10):

  • Grade 1 - Rating: 2, School: OLPH (From what I can remember and from what was later told to me, I was very shy and had a number of friends smaller than five. My best friend at that school later told me that he tried to sit next to me and out of shyness I tried to sit somewhere else but he persisted and we eventually become friends)
  • Grade 2 - Rating: 5.5, School: OLPH (There was quite some improvement.)
  • Grade 3 - Rating: 3.5, School: OLPH (More of the same, I was bullied a lot though.)
  • Grade 4 - Rating: 3, School: OLPH (Even more bullying, so I left the school after the grade. The first four grades I really don't remember well enough to rate my social level accurately, but this is a rough estimate from what I remember.)
  • Grade 5 - Rating: 7, School: Brown (I knew absolutely no one at this school when I first came, but I made quite a few friends. We traded Pokemon cards and stuff, it was fun. My best friend was this Romanian guy named Bogdan, who I had a lot of fun and was really close to. Unfortunately he moved to a different school two months into Grade 6, and I eventually stopped calling him and now he's moved back to Romania or something.)
  • Grade 6 - Rating: 7.5, School: Brown (Probably the height of my popularity, and probably the favorite grade of my life. Although Bogdan left, I hung out with Chris a lot and we played Dragon Warrior Monsters during recess and lunch. We also played Starcraft and stuff. I made a lot of new friends too, and I had a birthday party where like ten people came and we all played Nintendo 64 and it was awesome. More significantly, I had a cult called the Janster's Fridge where all my friends worshiped me, and all the haters were called the Janster's Stove and we fought snowball fights and stuff against them.)
  • Grade 7 - Rating: 7.5, School: Deer Park (Man, haha, this year was fucking fun, I got into so much trouble that year, getting suspended two or three times. There were quite a few days that I had multiple detentions in one day. I made a lot of friends and was popular there. I even started my own zine, Jan Magazine that had two issues and over a dozen subscribers.)
  • Grade 8 - Rating: 5, School: Deer Park (My, what a drop. Everyone got sick of my antics or grew up or something. I spent most of my free time at school with Glez, and some with Paz.)
  • Grade 9 - Rating: 7, School: Northern (Okay, at the start of the school year, I was really popular, and I had fans and stuff. People bought my first album and I regularly sang my song "Janster The Monster" to groups of giggly girls and jocks. But after a few months, my novelty wore off and I just lost a lot of popularity. I met a lot of people this grade, but not that many were particularly cool.)
  • Grade 10 - Rating: 6.5... or 7?, School: Northern (It's a kinda hard school year to rate, because although I did make a few cooler friends, I... I don't know. Not that many of the cool friends I made hung out with me at school or necessarily went to my school. My classes were filled with people I wasn't compatible with. I had some classes in which I had zero real friends. But still... I made some cool friends... and I also lost a few friends. In retrospect, I'd actually say that Grade 10 was better for me than the latter half of Grade 9. But as, I was only starting to consider and organize my life in such ways during that year, my situation seemed horrific at the time. And it is pretty bad. But it seems to be slowly improving...)

I'm glad I made that list. It helped me understand my life seems to be moving in a better direction. Please help it. Haha.

On a lighter note, Xiu Xiu's La Forêt is a haunting and beautiful album that I bought today, along with The Hospitals' I've Visited The Island Of Jocks And Jazz. I have yet to listen to the latter. Aaah Xiu Xiu is so good! Too bad I won't be able to see them play on September 8, which would be past midnight on a weekday. I'm not even going to bother hoping I can attend this particular show.
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(no subject) [Aug. 23rd, 2005|11:47 pm]
[music |The Flying Luttenbachers - Elfmeros]

I've been sick for almost two weeks, but I'm pretty sure it's healed now. I won't be entirely certain until the morning though, because it sometimes comes back when I wake up. But I'm pretty sure it's gone. i didn't go to AIDS wolf , because Chris got home too late and was lazy. I still haven't hung out with Chris since I left for the Czech Republic and it's annoying me. He just got his wisdom teeth pulled today and now we can't hang out for at least two days cause he's in a lot of pain and needs to rest. Hopefully we will hang out somewhat soon.

I went to visit Fraiman yesterday. It was the first time I've ever been in his house. He has a magnificent DVD collection. He had a ton (exaggeration) of movies that I wanted to see, but I chose Requiem For A Dream. Ah, good choice. Really intense and disturbing film. It hurt me emotionally in a way that very few movies have... actually I can't remember any that have done that to me. Amazing film, though. You should see it. That contains some of the coolest editing tricks ever, and the acting is very memorable. Then we talked about stuff and played his Gamecube. I tried some games I hadn't before. Even though I'm not really into video games anymore, F-Zero GX is fucking wicked.

Fraiman told me he's almost done editing his movie The Whole Process, which is about a guy trying to hit it big in the movie business. Fraiman wrote and directed it. I read the script a year ago before it even began filming, and it was really fucking good. And now, all he has to do are the credit sequence and a few minor tweaks. I'm so fucking excited!

But I'm even more excited for a different movie that Fraiman is involved in. Too Many Fraimans is the name of it. It's a movie about 500 clones being made of Fraiman and trying to take over the world or something, and the real Fraiman has to fight them all. I read the treatment, it's good. The flick is being done by Mike Toledano and Fraiman. They are have some difficulties though, as Mike just got scammed for $600 for a new camera on Ebay. Anyway, I hope it all works out, as this movie looks very promising. Check out those test video clips on the furthermost frame on the site, especially the first and last ones. Pretty crazy shit.

Oh yeah, I started reading The Confusion. I bought it yesterday and am 48 pages in already. So far, so good. It seems that what they said about it being better than Quicksilver is true. But both books are amazing. I hung out with Paz today. He's my friend, but some of the things he says and does drive me crazy. I remember when he said, "If all of Canada converted to homosexuality, I'd move to the U.S. and start a petition to nuke Canada." And he'd rather die than suck another man's penis. Incredibly sad. He thinks an adult reading a book outside an elementary school parking lot equals a pedophile. He acts incredibly annoying when he's uncomfortable with something. He spits in his shirt and bites it. Any sort of outlandish deviation from the norm in a movie or something makes him say, "Aw! What the hell? This makes no sense! This is stupid!" I could go for ages about the negative aspects of this person, but I'm really painting a bleak picture of the guy. He can be fun sometimes. Sometimes.
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(no subject) [Aug. 20th, 2005|10:03 pm]
[music |AIDS Wolf - We Multiply]

Okay, so Pharaoh Don't Care-O didn't jam today because Joe was not in the mood or some shit. Whatever, at least I talked to Chris, who I hadn't talked to for a long time. I sat at home for most of the day. Not good. I desperately need a better social life.

But I finally finished reading Quicksilver! The novel part of it, at least. There are still a bunch of appendix pages for me to enjoy. Once I'm done them, I will move on to the second part of the trilogy, The Confusion. I'm kind of looking forward to that, as I've heard it's way better than Quicksilver. I enjoyed that book a lot. Even though some parts were rather tedious, the intensity of some of the other parts and the quality of the writing made it really awesome anyway. So I will probably really like the second book.

I really want to go see AIDS Wolf tomorrow night at the Seripop "New Werk" art thing. As my most AIDS Wolf loving friend will be away at rock camp, I am having trouble finding someone to go with. Maybe Chris will want to go. I don't know if I will be able to attend in any case. But I really, really want to go to the show. The nervousness and anxiety that I feel about the situation is absolutely terrible.
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